On the flip side, I have several friends that are recovering and have been clean and sober for over 20 years. One friend in particular is working on year 17 of being clean. His addiction was hard drugs. He would put drugs in his body any way he could. Even got so he was "cooking" his own and then started to sell it. He was bad. But somehow he survived. Along the way he's had 3 partners die in his arms. Literally. Still he's clean. I've known this guy since grade 7. He's just amazing and he keeps going. Taking things one day at a time.
Thanks for the background context. Everybody who gets into this life, gets out of this life -- if they do -- in their own way, in their own time. Personally, I have a long history of my own when I used a variety of hard and soft narcotics over 20 or 30 years non-stop These included respectable drugs like pot, all the way through hallucinogens, and heroin and then several years on meth with a needle. For one reason or another, no matter how bad my addiction was, I could stop, I could quit and give it up with hardly any effort and apparently without any lingering negative symptoms. I know everyone is not like that and so I hope your friend finds a way to crawl out of the abyss.
I understand this for myself. But how do or does one get another to learn to let go? I know someone who has so much going for them but they just don't see it. She has many talents and is very beautiful. The camera loves her, so to speak. But she has a trauma from her childhood that she just can't deal with. She's become a very addictive person. Smoking, drinking and drugs were the norm for her until she finally went to rehab. She's since relapsed many times but it's the drinking that destroys her every time. She hasn't taken drugs again but she has relapsed by taking that first drink all over again. Once she starts drinking she can't stop. She's so bad she is taken to the ER. For now, she is sober. Has been for just over a year now. The longest I've known her to be sober is 2 years. She gets anxiety attacks too. They come on suddenly and are very bad. I've told her she needs to seek therapy as well as rehab but she hasn't bothered. She won't stay out of situations that are harmful and make it easy for her to drink. She insists on being with people that are drinking, drunk and on drugs. I'd like to help her but I know it's up to her. So, how can I get her to let go? I'm not taking this on as a personal job but just something I'd like see if I can help her with. If she can become a recovering addict then great. But if not, not much I can do. I know it's up to her.
Rhio and Nan have both shared some great wisdom. I agree that it probably is a great idea for you to consider how you can let her go. You know, and stated, that she does have to do this herself. It sounds like she hasn't reached the place, yet, of truly healing and letting go of her addictions. It also sounds like she has reached out in her own ways so does know how to do this. You really can't make her let go as you asked in your note. You can only do it for yourself just as she has to do it for herself. I hope these comments are helpful as you move forward.....
It may be best for her that YOU let go. Allow her to be an alcoholic, or a drug addict. In other words, CHOOSE her to be the way she is, or isn't. It's not enough that you do the best you can and if it doesn't work, well, "it's up to her". That's not making a choice; it might be accepting, but it's not allowing. The first step in getting your friend to be sober and no longer a drug addict is for YOU to make a choice that she's absolutely perfect, whole and complete just the
way she is, and the way she's not. She doesn't need to be "fixed". This will create a space for her such that SHE can choose for herself without living up to, or disappointing the expectations of others.
I don't speak to her at all. I only hear from her when she relapsed and is in the hospital. Then is when she asks me for help. I don't know what to tell her. She knows who to call and it's not me. But I also understand how difficult it can be for someone that is raised in the Bible belt and told to "suck it up and get over it" She uses her trauma as a crutch but she doesn't see it that way. In the past I did try to talk to her and try to get her to view things from a different perspective but she doesn't understand what I'm talking about. I let her go a few years ago but when she calls me just to say she's in the hospital it makes me wonder why she's telling me this in the first place. Thank y'all for your input.
It's a difficult situation for you. Just follow your intuition and your heart and wish her the best is about all you can do. Sending you best wishes and blessings! Krysta
Recovery from anything is not always for those who need it but rather for those who want it. When that happens, My experience has been, the better I take care of my own spiritual condition and continue to petition for the greater good if all, the more at peace I am with reality and the better equipped I am to cope with life's challenges. Never let go of hope for this woman who has a disease that is cunning and baffling. Namaste
I hear you. I get it. Thanks for the follow-up. I had a friend like that once and it didn't turn out well.
On the flip side, I have several friends that are recovering and have been clean and sober for over 20 years. One friend in particular is working on year 17 of being clean. His addiction was hard drugs. He would put drugs in his body any way he could. Even got so he was "cooking" his own and then started to sell it. He was bad. But somehow he survived. Along the way he's had 3 partners die in his arms. Literally. Still he's clean. I've known this guy since grade 7. He's just amazing and he keeps going. Taking things one day at a time.
He's a great role model!
Thanks for the background context. Everybody who gets into this life, gets out of this life -- if they do -- in their own way, in their own time. Personally, I have a long history of my own when I used a variety of hard and soft narcotics over 20 or 30 years non-stop These included respectable drugs like pot, all the way through hallucinogens, and heroin and then several years on meth with a needle. For one reason or another, no matter how bad my addiction was, I could stop, I could quit and give it up with hardly any effort and apparently without any lingering negative symptoms. I know everyone is not like that and so I hope your friend finds a way to crawl out of the abyss.
I understand this for myself. But how do or does one get another to learn to let go? I know someone who has so much going for them but they just don't see it. She has many talents and is very beautiful. The camera loves her, so to speak. But she has a trauma from her childhood that she just can't deal with. She's become a very addictive person. Smoking, drinking and drugs were the norm for her until she finally went to rehab. She's since relapsed many times but it's the drinking that destroys her every time. She hasn't taken drugs again but she has relapsed by taking that first drink all over again. Once she starts drinking she can't stop. She's so bad she is taken to the ER. For now, she is sober. Has been for just over a year now. The longest I've known her to be sober is 2 years. She gets anxiety attacks too. They come on suddenly and are very bad. I've told her she needs to seek therapy as well as rehab but she hasn't bothered. She won't stay out of situations that are harmful and make it easy for her to drink. She insists on being with people that are drinking, drunk and on drugs. I'd like to help her but I know it's up to her. So, how can I get her to let go? I'm not taking this on as a personal job but just something I'd like see if I can help her with. If she can become a recovering addict then great. But if not, not much I can do. I know it's up to her.
Rhio and Nan have both shared some great wisdom. I agree that it probably is a great idea for you to consider how you can let her go. You know, and stated, that she does have to do this herself. It sounds like she hasn't reached the place, yet, of truly healing and letting go of her addictions. It also sounds like she has reached out in her own ways so does know how to do this. You really can't make her let go as you asked in your note. You can only do it for yourself just as she has to do it for herself. I hope these comments are helpful as you move forward.....
It may be best for her that YOU let go. Allow her to be an alcoholic, or a drug addict. In other words, CHOOSE her to be the way she is, or isn't. It's not enough that you do the best you can and if it doesn't work, well, "it's up to her". That's not making a choice; it might be accepting, but it's not allowing. The first step in getting your friend to be sober and no longer a drug addict is for YOU to make a choice that she's absolutely perfect, whole and complete just the
way she is, and the way she's not. She doesn't need to be "fixed". This will create a space for her such that SHE can choose for herself without living up to, or disappointing the expectations of others.
I don't speak to her at all. I only hear from her when she relapsed and is in the hospital. Then is when she asks me for help. I don't know what to tell her. She knows who to call and it's not me. But I also understand how difficult it can be for someone that is raised in the Bible belt and told to "suck it up and get over it" She uses her trauma as a crutch but she doesn't see it that way. In the past I did try to talk to her and try to get her to view things from a different perspective but she doesn't understand what I'm talking about. I let her go a few years ago but when she calls me just to say she's in the hospital it makes me wonder why she's telling me this in the first place. Thank y'all for your input.
It's a difficult situation for you. Just follow your intuition and your heart and wish her the best is about all you can do. Sending you best wishes and blessings! Krysta
Recovery from anything is not always for those who need it but rather for those who want it. When that happens, My experience has been, the better I take care of my own spiritual condition and continue to petition for the greater good if all, the more at peace I am with reality and the better equipped I am to cope with life's challenges. Never let go of hope for this woman who has a disease that is cunning and baffling. Namaste