Are you suffering?

Without a doubt, I know I can say that you have known pain in your life. You might be experiencing pain right now. With certainty, I can also say you have suffered. So have I. So has your neighbor and mine. It’s because we’ve all felt pain and all have suffered that we are capable of having compassion for one another. We don’t always show our compassion for ourselves or others, but we’re certainly capable of it.

Here’s my question: are you suffering from your pain? It’s one thing to feel pain in our lives and it is another thing to suffer because of the pain. The Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami wrote, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” He’s right. Here’s the difference.

Pain - whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual - hurts in some way. Suffering occurs when we argue with what’s happening, saying it shouldn’t be happening. When we can stand in our own lives and simply name pain as pain without any further editorializing, we don’t suffer. In fact, sometimes the pain transforms into joy.

Think about a current or past pain. Recall how you labeled it. Was it awful? Did you say, “This shouldn’t be happening to me.” Did you complain and share your angst with as many people as would listen? If so, I am willing to bet you suffered.

On the other hand, what if you were able to look at the pain and say, “This hurts.” Period. End of story. Ask, “Is there any action I can take or stop taking that will alleviate some of my pain?” If so, do or don’t do that. If not, let the pain be what it is. Talk to the pain. Ask if it has a message for you. Ask if there is anything more you can do for it so it can be comfortable in your life.

Along with you, I have and do face life challenges. Some are small. Others are quite large. Some are barely a blip on the screen of my life while others are show-stoppers. I have found that when I can accept life on its own terms knowing that much of life is a mystery, the pain is manageable and I don’t suffer. When I wring my hands, weep and wail “Oh, why me?” I find suffering.

Instead, I now ask “Why not me? Do  I really think I am so special that I won’t experience challenges, setbacks, and disappointments?” This is life on the earth plane. Accepting life as it shows up is the secret to letting go of suffering. Charlotte Joko Beck in Everyday Zen wrote: “Our life is always all right. There’s nothing wrong with it. Even if we have horrendous problems, it’s just our life.”

Such wisdom in those words, wisdom that could bless us if we’re willing to accept it.

Living in grace and ease,

Krysta