Would you like some cheese with your whine?

Everyone I know has reasons to complain and whine once in awhile. There are also folks who feel it is their God-given right to whine daily if not hourly. The issue with this is that the more we whine, the more we’ll have to whine about. It’s like the dog who whines or barks to get your attention. Every time you give the dog attention in response to the whining or barking, the dog has the behavior rewarded and does it more.

“Oh, goodie, when I want a belly-rub or treat, all I have to do is whine and my Human gives me what I want, so I’ll whine and bark more.”

I am one of the first people who stands up for the wisdom of naming and experiencing our feelings and emotions, so don’t think I’m saying we should shut down emotionally. When we have feelings it is important to acknowledge them and feel them. However, the next step is to avoid wallowing in them.

If a person is going through some sort of counseling or healing, their counselor will be able to help sort through what’s going on and handle things appropriately. What about just regular everyday feelings that sometimes want to boil over resulting in whining, complaining, or more robust displays of emotion? Here’s an example of what I do.

Yesterday, a neighbor alerted us that it looked like our underground irrigation system was leaking. I checked and sure enough there was water seeping up through the gravel by a side of the house I rarely go. I was very annoyed because handling this was going to take time away from my plans for the day and I had no idea what sort of expense we might be looking at. Before proceeding, I took a few deep breaths and let myself feel annoyed and disappointed. This took a few minutes. Then I consciously decided (a key word to this process) I could let the feelings go and move on to dealing with the issue.

While deciding what to do, I realized I wasn’t sure if the leak was from the irrigation system or from inside the house. This made a difference. If it was the irrigation system, I would contact Julio, our yard guy. If it was from the house, I would have to call a plumber. I went outside and looked again and decided it was the former. I texted Julio and he said he could be here in 10 minutes. Julio showed up, dug around a little and ascertained the irrigation pipe was leaking. He fixed it within 20 minutes and charged us $30. Catastrophe averted without me needing to whine about the issue and I went on with my day.

Here’s the process I use:

Feel my feelings.

Name them.

Breathe and center myself.

If there is action to take, take it.

If there isn’t an action to take, make a decision to let the issue go.

Move on.

As I said, this isn’t what one does if they’re dealing with long-term psychological issues. A good counselor can lead you through those. This process is for the everyday hiccups that happen and that can bog us down, make us want to whine and complain instead of graciously accepting life on her own terms. It’s also called…..living with grace and ease! In the comments section below, please share your best process for dealing with the pesky feelings that try to keep you from enjoying your day.

Living in grace and ease,

Krysta