Snuggling with fear

You read that right. I said snuggling rather than struggling. Isn’t it amazing what a few letters can do? Yes, it is.

While some are cheering and happy about the recent announcements being made by the incoming US president, others are angry and afraid. Some people are so afraid, they are leaving the country.

A lot of people voted for the upcoming disaster of a president because they said they wanted cheaper eggs. I think most of us know the truth: they weren’t ready for a woman president and certainly not one of a mixed racial background, brown-ish skin tones, and married to a white man who is Jewish. How woke can some people get. Tsk. Tsk.

Why are people afraid of this new presidency and his cronies? Some fear being deported. Others fear being attacked due to their skin color, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Others are afraid they might lose their jobs, and women fear needing health care they can’t have due to the overturning of Roe v Wade. Older Americans fear losing their social security that they paid into their entire working lives, while others fear losing their homes as apartment and mortgage rates continue to rise. I’m sure you can add to this list so I leave the rest to you.

The question becomes: what do we do with our fears?

The first option is to push against them, fight them, try to force them out of our lives or pretend they aren’t real. This is the struggle option and readily available to all who choose it.

The second option is to snuggle with our fears, hold them close, whisper to them, and breathe into them. This is the snuggle option and also available to those who would choose it.

Here’s how I snuggle with my fears. First, I name and allow them to exist. I’ve learned that fears ignored are fears on board. What we resist persists. I imagine my fear as a person and make it as scary as possible, preferably huge and menacing. Then I talk to the fear, sometimes yelling at it, sometimes whispering to it.I explain all the reasons why I refuse to give it power over my life. I explain all the ways it is wrong to exist or to try and menace me. As I talk with the fear, I see it begin to get smaller and smaller until it can sit in my hand. Then I know I am in control of the fear rather than it being in control of me. Sometimes I crush it in my hand. Other times I throw it in a body of water or flush it down the toilet. Occasionally it is so cute, I put it in a cage where I can admire its transformation while keeping it in a safe area.

Once I’ve done this, I’m able to think through the fears I have and ask myself what I need to do about them. Are there ways I can be proactive? For instance, one of my fears is that my right to marry my spouse will be stolen from me, our marriage annulled, with the resulting negative issues. Arizona is a red state even though we’ve made some blue inroads lately. Marriage annulment could happen. I am meeting with an attorney to find out how we can create a civil legal document that will enable us to retain our rights even if our marriage is annulled. We might also consider moving back to Washington state where we would be protected legally. We are giving ourselves options and choices.

Other fears are less easily addressed. Issues such as personal safety, an issue being faced daily by people of color, can require more complicated solutions. A few years ago, there was a situation where I felt physically threatened by some people where I worked. When I took my dog out in our yard at night, I was scared. I snuggled with the fear, of course, and then I kept my head on a swivel and my guard up, phone in hand to dial 911 if necessary. Eventually, the situation passed.

What you fear now or in the future, try snuggling with it, defanging it, and then brainstorm solutions to the various issues you fear. You will be in a better place to deal with whatever comes your way. And I have found the more I am prepared, the more I snuggle with the fear, the sooner it dissipates and life calms down.

Most of us suspect the coming years could give us reasons to be fearful. Let’s be prepared so we can let go of the fears and continue to enjoy our lives, sharing our light and love with those who can receive it, and participate fully in this amazing transformation of planet Earth.

***Don’t forget to get your Living with Grace and Ease 2025 calendar here.

Blessings,

Krysta