Is the big bad wolf paying you a visit?

Go ahead: open the door!

Does fear keep you from doing what you would like to do? Truthfully, all of us are fearful from time to time. One of my clients recently asked me, “Do you ever feel fear?” “Oh, yes,” said I, “any time I start a new project I am fearful it won’t work, people won’t like it, or it won’t be good enough!”

 Some fear is good because it can keep us from doing foolhardy things and sometimes it can keep us from being hurt physically. Some element of fearfulness can keep us on our toes and out of trouble. Being in touch with fear that comes from our intuition or gut can be very useful if we pay attention when it warns us about a person, place, situation, or attitude that could cause us trouble.

 Most of the fears we feel, however, don’t fall into this category and instead of warning us of possible dangers, they paralyze us and keep us from moving forward into our destinies.

I’m talking about fears such as: I can’t do this because if I fail I’ll look silly; I can’t speak in front of this group because it scares me to have all those faces looking at me; I might be miserable at my job but if I change jobs I’m afraid I might not be good at the new one and be fired. On it goes.

This is not helpful fear that tells us there is a wolf at the front door. This is debilitating fear that keeps us locked in a safe little box – or at least we think it’s safe until we discover we’re not living our lives. We’re treading water instead of swimming for shore.

  Here’s some ideas for dealing with fear.

1.     Write down the fear. Name it. Describe it clearly. What are you afraid of?

2.     What is the absolute worst thing that could happen to you if this fear is based on reality? Will you die? Will you become homeless? Will you lose the respect of your family and friends? Will you lose your job?

3.     Get into a quiet, meditative state and ask your fear to show itself to you as a symbol. This could be a geometric shape, an animal, a tree or flower – the symbol can be just about anything. Once the symbol clearly forms itself, have a dialogue with it. Ask what it is trying to teach you. Ask if it is willing to support you in moving forward. Listen carefully and dialogue with the fear to learn more about it.

4.     If the fear seems to be something useful to you in your life, ask it to become your friend. Ask it to work with you rather than against you. Most of the time our fears are willing to befriend us once we acknowledge and listen to them.

5.     If the fear won’t serve you, it’s time to banish it from your life. Thank it for being with you but explain that it’s time for it to move on. Sometimes fearful feelings hang out just because we don’t tell them to leave. Have a ritual if it is helpful. Walk your fear to the door, see it leave, and firmly shut the door.

6.     Think of the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Amazingly, I haven’t read this book and have always felt the title says it all. Go ahead and feel the fear. Then step out and do whatever it is anyway. When writing this, I went to www.susanjeffers.com. Although she passed away a few years ago, her site is alive and well and full of information that can support you in dealing with fears.

 We’re on this earth for a fairly short time. What are we here for if not to grow, deepen our understanding of who we are, and contribute to the world in our own unique way. Don’t let fear keep you from stepping out, moving up, and being the person you know you are meant to be.

Living in grace and ease,

Krysta

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