I confess.....

I have a guilty pleasure (okay, I have more than one; but today I’m just sharing one of them). Are you ready? I watch some of the housewives’ shows on Bravo. Not all of them, mind you, just two. Recently, a similar show was teased. It’s called The Real Friends of WeHo and is about gay men living in West Hollywood. As far as I’m concerned, the jury is out whether I will continue to watch. Just like the housewives’ shows don’t represent the lives of regular women, I’m sure The Real Friends won’t represent the day-to-day lives of regular gays and lesbians. The show is likely to give people a warped view of regular gay people. I wanted to share some thoughts after watching the first show.

The gay men being featured are successful, attractive, mostly rich, and famous. Yet, a few of them had not come out to their families or friends. Being on this television show was going to be the first time some of their families would know the truth about the men’s sexual orientation. That’s right. Even though these men are talented and successful, sharing their orientation with their families was fraught with anxiety and fears about being rejected by people they love and who supposedly love them.

This makes me sad. When you think about people dealing with discrimination, it is interesting to realize that one of the big differences between gay people and people of color is that people of color don’t have to come out to their families. People of color don’t have to fear being rejected by their loved ones because of the color of their skin. They have other issues, yes, but not that one. People of color share the issue of being a racial minority with their family. It’s something they experience together, and they can help one another deal with racism.  Not gays.

Frequently, gay people are rejected by their own families, and it isn’t uncommon for gay teens to be homeless or to kill themselves because they are rejected by their own loved ones and peers. Usually, this rejection comes in the form of religious beliefs, making it even worse since the gay person can’t turn to their church for support. I was denied being able to say goodbye to my dying mother or to attend her Catholic funeral because of my families’ Christian orientation. I was told the police would be called if I showed up. Too bad that was over 30 years ago and 45-year-old me complied rather than cause a scene. Today at 75: I would go, double-dare my father and brother to call the police, and and see if they showed up.

Gay people don’t just come out once, either. We must come out over, and over, and over again. It can be exhausting. Most of us thought things had gotten better and in some ways they have. Yet, there is an entire political party who would love to obliterate gay people. There are members of that political party who continue to vote the politicians back into office even though there same people say they accept LBTQ people and think we should have the same rights as everyone else (gee, thanks). And, of course, later we’ll learn who among these politicians is gay/bisexual/transgender and projecting their self-hatred onto the rest of us. The damage will have been done by then.

I am hopeful that this show will help make gays and lesbians less mysterious to the rest of society. I have my doubts, though, since these gay men are bigger than life and don’t represent regular, everyday people. A gal can dream, however. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a society where everyone is simply accepted as a person? It will happen someday; I know it will. The question is when.

Living in grace and ease,

Krysta